If the following scene seems familiar, we think it’s time you started taking sex tips from women. You covered the motel bed with roses. You wore your black satin boxers. You even had an instrumental version of Boyz II Men playing softly in the background. You thought your plan would bring her to her knees. Instead, it sent her running for the door. Look, it’s not your fault. When it comes to sex tips for men, most of the information you’ll find is written by men who are just as confused as you are. Take these sex tips from women and you’ll save yourself some embarrassment — and earn a lot more gratitude from the special lady in your life.

Save a little mystery for the second course

1. Foreplay begins when you pick her up. Foreplay doesn’t start when you’re already naked. In fact, it starts much, much sooner. Your conversation on the phone, your actions at dinner, the way you interact as you walk her home — if you start viewing these actions as foreplay, you’ll have a lot more success once you’re finally in the sack. But slow your roll there, Fabio. We’re not talking about massaging her thighs while you wait for the waitress to refill your never-ending bread bowl at the Olive Garden.

We’re talking about what foreplay is actually about: slowly creating a feeling of relaxation, intimacy and sexual interest. If you want to induce that feeling in your lady, try these tips. Maintain eye contact when she’s speaking to you. Let her help make the plans and decisions for the date. Ask her open-ended questions about her day and make brief non-sexual contact a few times throughout the date (like putting your hand on hers for a moment as you’re talking). A woman who feels like you’re interested in her but still respectful of her personal space will be much more relaxed and intrigued.

Hope they bought the souvenir keychain...

2. Find her comfort zone. One of the most important sex tips from women is to remember this motto: no two ladies are created equal. Some women dream of making love on a roller coaster and reaching orgasm while they’re upside down. Some women just want to smooch and spoon. You just don’t know what any given women will like in bed, so don’t go in there acting like you do. Pick up on her cues, and if you’re completely in the dark, come right out and ask. The single most important aspect of pleasing a woman in bed is making sure that she’s physically and mentally comfortable. The more relaxed your lady is, the more excited she will get.

3. Stress your strengths. Just as every lady is unique, all men have their own sets of strengths (and weaknesses) in the sack. Be realistic about what you can and can’t do in bed. Don’t try to make love like a Chinese acrobat if you aren’t even capable of touching your toes. Don’t try out moves that failed to satisfy in the past in hopes that this time you somehow magically get it right. Just cut it out. Do what you’re good at, and if you’re not sure what that is, ask your lady. If she’s up for it, you could even follow our beginner’s guide to bondage techniques and have her order you around. If you have her choose the acts, you’ll find out all of the moves she likes best.

4. Make her the priority. This is one of those sex tips for men that might sound familiar. You’ve probably resented the cliché of “ladies first” ever since you were old enough to attend a pizza party, but hear us out. Once out of every, say, four times you hit the sack, go in there with this mindset: you aren’t in it for the orgasm. This doesn’t mean you have to completely deny yourself. It just means that you take the focus off of the male orgasm and put it on her pleasure. This could mean different things for different couples, but one thing’s for sure. You’ll give your love life more variety and your lady some much deserved TLC.

actually really annoying when trying to make pots

5. Above all, be genuine. Please, for the benefit of women everywhere, don’t try to recreate a sex scene you saw in a movie. Yes, this means returning that pottery wheel you bought on Craigslist — because despite what you may think, you are no Patrick Swayze. If your sex life is nothing else, it should be genuine. There’s nothing wrong with throwing a little spice into the mix every now and then, but if you’re more worried about costume changes and lighting than you are about your lady’s actual orgasm, don’t be surprised if she calls it quits before intermission. If fuzzy handcuffs and scented candles are truly you, then go for it. If they’re not, stick to what feels genuine for you. Any lady can tell when you’re putting on a show.

There you have it Romeo. We hope you and the lady (or ladies) in your life will benefit from these sex tips from women. Let us know in a comment below if your new moves garner you more adoration than the sex tips from men you’ve followed in the past. Change can be scary, but trust us, she was never a big fan of those “special occasion” boxers anyway.